The Curious case of the biromantic asexual

So many terms, so many definitions! People come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and orientations. Orientations aren’t just sexual any more– affectional orientation is also an identifier to people may relate to.

“Lucy you’ve got some explaining

to do!”

By now I think we all know what the text book definition of heterosexual and homosexual is. In the sense regarding homosexual and heterosexual pickiness-everyone has their own personal people preferences. Bisexuals, whereas those having the potential to be attracted on a romantic or sexual level to either sex, may also have a gender preference on occasion (it’s not all 50/50 with them. ) For example, Joe here prefers blondes, 9 times out of 10 he’s dated blondes-but he could still become the boyfriend to a nice brunette or red head. Let’s make Joe bisexual and the rules still apply, and lets even proclaim he also does have a preference for women-but the same way he doesn’t always date blondes, this Joe has also had several boyfriends in his.

Moving right along…but continuing on the same street of sexuality. Asexuality comes into play when describing someone who has no sexual attraction in regards to sexual activity.

Remember that it will be on the

final.

Wrap your head around this tidbit: asexuals do identify as hetero-asexual, homo-asexual, and bi-asexual alike. Just because they may be averse to having a desire to knock boots, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like people.  Sex drive or not, they’re perfectly capable of having relationships. To society sex is a way of life, to this group of society it’s by no means a necessity because their physical attraction for sexual conduct isn’t there. And just for further clarification, asexuals are not incapable of having sex. Those that happily chose to be in relationships, may actually have sex because they love their partner, or have the desire to be a parent. Asexuals may even like sex with a certain person for other reasons not related to physical longing. I recommend visiting www.asexuality.org (the world’s largest online asexual community) for all your asexual FAQ’s.

Now take a left at the next light and come to a stop on orientation boulevard. Those without sexual attraction may choose to describe their orientation in the realm of affectional (or romantic) orientation. Wikkipedia says affectional orientation “is based on the perspective that sexual attraction is but a single component of a larger dynamic. To holders of this view, one’s orientation is defined by whom one is predisposed to fall in love with, whether or not one desires that person sexually. Lately, the predominant use of the term “sexual orientation” is considered to reduce a whole category of desires and emotions, as well as power and connection, to sex.” An asexual may use this descriptive term because they feel attraction based on mental, emotional, and physical/aesthetic.

I promise it’s not as confusing as it first sounds. Identifiers of this way of life can be: bi-romantic, meaning they are romantically attracted to people or either gender; hetero-romantic, aka romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex, and homo-romantic because they’re romantically attracted to people of the same sex. And lastly they’re the aromantic group; these folks are not interested in romantic relationships. This goes to say if they’re also asexual they’re pretty much not interested in anything in a relational sense.

Quiz time! Maybe yes, maybe no? This person is…

Sadie is not interested in sex what so ever, but she loves dating, hugging and being in love. She not sexually active but she’s done some things with her past love because she cared about him. Even though her past kinda lover, but not really, was a man (and she typically dates men), she likes women too. Scratch that–she loves women, and everything about them… But like with men she doesn’t want to make out or anything more, but she’d be more than sweet on them all the same.

Based on this description what might Sadie’s orientation and preferences be?

Biromantic asexual… (I know it’s a lot to handle!) But here’s a perfect example of someone who’s bisexual (interested in both genders), yet asexual (without a sex drive), and affectional (but does like relationships aspects like cuddling and being in love.). And like the commercial where the talking M and M meets Santa Claus:

“They do exist!”

Hope you took notes this subject will be revisited…

—Posted by Maddie Banks

Filed under: Maddie Banks, bi-sexual

What’s my motivation?

Three homeless people approach three separate individuals, on three different occasions.

On one is a war vet who can’t keep a job.

One is a single mom with a young child.

One is all alone on the streets with their dog as their sole companion.

Who would be the first to cause you to stop with your spare change?

I am the product of a single mom household so the mom grabs at my heart strings. One of my friends is an animal rights nonprofit worker, so I’d bet the struggling pet owner would draw her in. Neither of us knows anyone who’s served in a war.

The common denominator here is when people have a personal connection to something or a cause it’s a direct motivator in supporting their reason to actively participate. The majority of backers pushing gay civil right causes are gay themselves. Most forefront celebrity spokespersons for abused women and female rights campaigns and organizations are themselves previously victimized women. And those who take the time to organize inner city programs to aid students with educational circumstantial disabilities, have most likely at least seen an inner city, or know someone who has and was moved by the attributes.

In the upcoming posts I will challenge those and ourselves to grapple with why we make these choices verses others and explore how anyone can decide what is more important when its all important.

I’m very patriotic and I’m an animal lover. Maybe I’d give money to each of these three homeless society members. Then what about the guy on the next block, content to live off the grid and make do off the kindness of strangers? Someone tell me what’s my motivation?

—posted by Maggie Barnes

Filed under: Maggie Barnes, bi-partisan

My mom is bipolar…The Interview Part One

How would you explain the way living with a bipolar parent has influenced on your life?

I’ve learned I can take a lot.  For so many years I had this sense that I broke her somehow, and was determined to fix her. She was my Humpty Dumpty, and I felt like I pushed her off the wall and I was willing to fight tooth and nail to put her back together again.

All I wanted everyday was just to be a good girl and hug her and tell her all my secrets.

I’m an eternal people pleaser by nature so it took a long time and a lot of counseling to come to grips with the fact that my behavior was never going to be the solution to her troubles.

Do you feel her illness has inadvertently had any beneficial repercussions in your perception of the world, or was and is it simply a stressful burden you’ve had to cope with?

Well it certainly hasn’t been a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination! I wouldn’t wish this lifestyle on anyone, but I wouldn’t take it back either if I had the choice. I have so much patience with people and I truly view all situations in two distinct lights. No matter how convicted I feel about something, I always am able to look on the flip side, even to the harshest degree– because I’ve seen it presented to my like that.

I’m so unwilling to jump to conclusions and that mentality has really helped me.

It’s good and bad. Being able clearly see another perspective, but always thinking-well maybe they could also be thinking this, when its really drastic, can be really unnerving because it makes you doubt yourself. I’m constantly hoping to be wrong because I’m like well this seems to clearly be the situation-BUT-they might have this varied perspective, valid in its own right. I can’t jump to conclusions, I can’t assume things, and when it concerns good things I really wish I could at least some of the time, so to give my mind a rest…

How do you view others reactions in regards to your mothers behavioral actions?

Well it’s a problem. It makes me mad, sad, frustrated, scared, ashamed, and guilty and every other emotion out there. Some times you can tell when it’s going to happen, and you brace yourself. People are so quick to make snap judgments and are unwilling to accept explanation. My mom has pushed so many people away from her, and a lot of the time my love for her has caused me to push those people away from me.

If they didn’t give her patience then I had zero for them.  When people right her off, I have to defend her. But yeah it always affects my perception of them because no matter what I’m her daughter and just like any kid, you want to protect your parents as much as they want to protect you.

How do their reactions affect you?

I’m a lot more wary than I’d like to be. I pretty much like everyone, because I like people in general. But it takes a lot for me to trust people when they say they love me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove to my mom that I love her, that I could never hate her, that I’m proud of her, that I find her to be the most amazing and beautiful person.

You obviously see your mom differently from others, probably even differently compared to other close family members; do you think it’s possible that your personal personality has played a part in your ability to handle the situations as you have…

To be continued…

–Continuation of the anonymous woman apart of the My mom is bipolar…series. Interview conducted by Eliza Barnett

Filed under: Eliza Barnett, bi-polar

The list-goes-on-and-on and on

There are lots of list floating around in cyber-land of past and present famous bisexual, mine is not that different, except that I’m highlighting the ones I find to be most interesting, like the writers and singers.

Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Drew Barrymore, Drea de Matteo, David Bowie, Ani Difranco, Margaret Cho, Tila Tequila and more recently Lindsay Lohan–love you all! But you’re old news to me…

Hans Christian Andersen: 1805 – 1875 The Danish writer famous for his fairy tales was seemingly bisexual by all accounts made from modern biographers. He was one of those bisexuals that avoided actual sex. (They do exist!).

Amy Bloom: 1953—writer. Okay so she’s been out and proud for a long time now, but I honestly never knew. I see her books at the bookstore all the time, but you can’t judge an author by their book cover.

William S. Burroughs: 1914-1997 Mr. Burroughs was many things, a drug addict, a gun crazed man who accidentally shot his wife, and ding ding ding! A bisexual.

John Cheever: 1912-1982 This actually shouldn’t have been a surprise to me because several of his books have sexual orientation undertones that reflected his real life coming to grips.

Bret Easton Ellis: 1962— Author of American Psycho and many other popular novels made into movies. Not every bi or homosexual writes gay themed works. But they do write “fabulously” if I do say so myself!

Michael Chabon – author (out, W see Mysteries of Pittsburgh page, NY Review of Books Vol 52, #10, 6/9/2005, wroteMysteries of Pittsburgh, Wonder Boys, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay)

Rounding out the list of writers we also have: Virginia Woolf: 1882-1941, Emily Dickinson: 1830 – 1886, Margaret Mead: 1901 – 1978, and Oscar Wilde.

Kurt Cobain: 1967-1994 Did you know this? I had NO clue about Courtney Love’s (rest in peace) ex’s bed sheet tendencies. The singer/songwriter of Nirvana (out, “…I’m definitely gay in spirit and I probably could be bisexual…[I]f I wouldn’t have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.” Advocate, Feb 1992, “What else could I say, Everyone is gay” lyrics All Apologies .)

Pete Wentz 1979 –Musician (Fall Out Boy). Came out in the The Advocate (May 2007) With all the make up he wears is anyone OMG-shocked? Didn’t think so.

Billie Joe Armstrong – lead singer, guitarist and songwriter for Green Day (out, Advocate Jan 24, 1995)

Female singers Billie Holiday: 1915 – 1959, Janis Joplin: 1943 – 1970, Pink: 1979 –I have wondered about this singer for a while now, and if its true, that super cool because she’s super cool; and Christina Aguilera – singer (quoted Advocate March 16, 2004 p.10 & “I find it hornier looking at women than men. Sorry, I love experimenting with my sexuality. If that means with girls, so be it.” Zoo, Jan 2004) have all been cited as having been at least bi-curious or having bi-tendencies…which is enlightening none the less.

Big thanks to: http://bialogue.livejournal.com/tag/famous+bisexuals+in+history

And http://www.glbtq.com/

Filed under: Maddie Banks, bi-sexual

It’s all my fault

Hello!!!!!!!!!! Eliza here, with some BiFACTOR news. We’re going to be doing a bit of restructuring and I wanted to give everyone a heads up! We want to keep with our “biweekly” theme of postings, but because of scheduling craziness—we’re going to change it. Instead of the usual each of us posting together twice a week, we’re going to try out posting sometimes on separate days. So each of us will still make posts twice a week, but the days won’t seem as spread out. We’ll see how that works. I for one am a big factor in this because I’m working on several things related to our bipolar series that are really interesting, and I missed the last deadline— I don’t want to hold the other ladies back any longer! Everyone hang in there and keep checking back please!

In the meantime, I’m offering up a profile of sorts on the bloggers here at BiFACTOR to tide you over.

Who is Maddie Banks? She’s the reality show fanatic, who hails from an oversized family and BiFACTOR’s driving force on bisexual news. A people person who does on occasion herself, look both ways…When not in zoning out to all things meta-physical related, she freelance dog walks. “There are alotta dogs that need alotta walking–so don’t knock it folks!”

I’m Eliza Barnett, the resident “firecracker who makes it hot!” (Just kidding—why I’m writing this while listening to Britney Spears’ new song I don’t know…) On a serious tip, I’m a budding interior decorator, (and by budding I mean I’m making plans to go to design school) I’m a redhead with brunette tendencies who loves real life medical and psychological dramas—so it didn’t take lighting striking for me to jump on board to cover the bipolar beat. I’d like to thank my former roommate who was the science major that opened my eyes…

That leaves Maggie Barnes, the Midwestern California transplant. A reader and writer by trade, her days are filled working around books and their authors, celebrity loonies and gazing fondly at her recently completed journalism degree. This NPR junkie is too busy uploading her IPOD with podcasts to give me anymore random tidbits…thanks Maggie…lol

–Eliza Barnett

Filed under: Eliza Barnett, Uncategorized