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breakdown of the middle ground.

“And you can’t kind of be gay!”

This was part of a conversation two characters on a recent episode of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, had before their new relationship came to a sudden halt. One of the women was yelling her new found homosexual pride from the rooftop, while her counterpart, while fully committed to her, was struggling to accept her continued attraction to men. Looks to me like one half of this former duo may be apart of the bisexual side of things. But looks can be deceiving…

While one may partake in bisexual actives and have a history of tendencies, whether or not they classify themselves is of their own accord. A strict definition of bisexuality explains the term as having a romantic or sexual attraction or behavior towards members of more than one sex. In broader words the definition may also include those who feel potential to have such emotional or physical attraction to members of varying sex. It’s not a phase. Not the middle area when you aren’t straight but have yet to go gay–even though some choose to use it as a way to ease their way out of the closet.

The question of the day is this: if you’re kind of gay, and kind of straight, do you only kind of come out of the closet?

Making this exit means which closet exactly? As discussed in Robyn Ochs’ book, Getting Bi, defining yourself as bisexual can have nothing to do with your actual sexual activities, because in reality you may not be having sex, and you may have a preference for the opposite sex. This is when it may get confusing.

For others…

In the same sense that some biracials “can pass” for one race more easily than the other, bisexuals can have this passing complex too. On the one side of things it appears that members of the bi community have double to opportunity, they also can have double the ridicule. At a pride festivity do you let others assume you’re a straight ally because you’re in an opposite sex relationship at the time? When amongst heterosexuals do you clarify that you’re not in fact gay or a lesbian even though your long time partner is a same sex individual? And if you’re single and all these terms are getting tossed around is there a point when you stand up and say, “Well yes, I kind of am.”?

Instead of looking at this door as revolving, how about the perception of it being of the two way glass persuasion? Clearly we see the outside, and that may change, but the inside is where it’s more in focus.

–Maddie Banks

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Filed under: bi-sexual, Maddie Banks

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