breakdown of the middle ground.

My mom is bipolar…The Interview Part One

How would you explain the way living with a bipolar parent has influenced on your life?

I’ve learned I can take a lot.  For so many years I had this sense that I broke her somehow, and was determined to fix her. She was my Humpty Dumpty, and I felt like I pushed her off the wall and I was willing to fight tooth and nail to put her back together again.

All I wanted everyday was just to be a good girl and hug her and tell her all my secrets.

I’m an eternal people pleaser by nature so it took a long time and a lot of counseling to come to grips with the fact that my behavior was never going to be the solution to her troubles.

Do you feel her illness has inadvertently had any beneficial repercussions in your perception of the world, or was and is it simply a stressful burden you’ve had to cope with?

Well it certainly hasn’t been a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination! I wouldn’t wish this lifestyle on anyone, but I wouldn’t take it back either if I had the choice. I have so much patience with people and I truly view all situations in two distinct lights. No matter how convicted I feel about something, I always am able to look on the flip side, even to the harshest degree– because I’ve seen it presented to my like that.

I’m so unwilling to jump to conclusions and that mentality has really helped me.

It’s good and bad. Being able clearly see another perspective, but always thinking-well maybe they could also be thinking this, when its really drastic, can be really unnerving because it makes you doubt yourself. I’m constantly hoping to be wrong because I’m like well this seems to clearly be the situation-BUT-they might have this varied perspective, valid in its own right. I can’t jump to conclusions, I can’t assume things, and when it concerns good things I really wish I could at least some of the time, so to give my mind a rest…

How do you view others reactions in regards to your mothers behavioral actions?

Well it’s a problem. It makes me mad, sad, frustrated, scared, ashamed, and guilty and every other emotion out there. Some times you can tell when it’s going to happen, and you brace yourself. People are so quick to make snap judgments and are unwilling to accept explanation. My mom has pushed so many people away from her, and a lot of the time my love for her has caused me to push those people away from me.

If they didn’t give her patience then I had zero for them.  When people right her off, I have to defend her. But yeah it always affects my perception of them because no matter what I’m her daughter and just like any kid, you want to protect your parents as much as they want to protect you.

How do their reactions affect you?

I’m a lot more wary than I’d like to be. I pretty much like everyone, because I like people in general. But it takes a lot for me to trust people when they say they love me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove to my mom that I love her, that I could never hate her, that I’m proud of her, that I find her to be the most amazing and beautiful person.

You obviously see your mom differently from others, probably even differently compared to other close family members; do you think it’s possible that your personal personality has played a part in your ability to handle the situations as you have…

To be continued…

–Continuation of the anonymous woman apart of the My mom is bipolar…series. Interview conducted by Eliza Barnett


Filed under: bi-polar, Eliza Barnett

One Response

  1. […] My mom is bipolar…The Interview Part One […]

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