breakdown of the middle ground.

The Curious case of the biromantic asexual

So many terms, so many definitions! People come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and orientations. Orientations aren’t just sexual any more– affectional orientation is also an identifier to people may relate to.

“Lucy you’ve got some explaining

to do!”

By now I think we all know what the text book definition of heterosexual and homosexual is. In the sense regarding homosexual and heterosexual pickiness-everyone has their own personal people preferences. Bisexuals, whereas those having the potential to be attracted on a romantic or sexual level to either sex, may also have a gender preference on occasion (it’s not all 50/50 with them. ) For example, Joe here prefers blondes, 9 times out of 10 he’s dated blondes-but he could still become the boyfriend to a nice brunette or red head. Let’s make Joe bisexual and the rules still apply, and lets even proclaim he also does have a preference for women-but the same way he doesn’t always date blondes, this Joe has also had several boyfriends in his.

Moving right along…but continuing on the same street of sexuality. Asexuality comes into play when describing someone who has no sexual attraction in regards to sexual activity.

Remember that it will be on the


Wrap your head around this tidbit: asexuals do identify as hetero-asexual, homo-asexual, and bi-asexual alike. Just because they may be averse to having a desire to knock boots, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like people.  Sex drive or not, they’re perfectly capable of having relationships. To society sex is a way of life, to this group of society it’s by no means a necessity because their physical attraction for sexual conduct isn’t there. And just for further clarification, asexuals are not incapable of having sex. Those that happily chose to be in relationships, may actually have sex because they love their partner, or have the desire to be a parent. Asexuals may even like sex with a certain person for other reasons not related to physical longing. I recommend visiting (the world’s largest online asexual community) for all your asexual FAQ’s.

Now take a left at the next light and come to a stop on orientation boulevard. Those without sexual attraction may choose to describe their orientation in the realm of affectional (or romantic) orientation. Wikkipedia says affectional orientation “is based on the perspective that sexual attraction is but a single component of a larger dynamic. To holders of this view, one’s orientation is defined by whom one is predisposed to fall in love with, whether or not one desires that person sexually. Lately, the predominant use of the term “sexual orientation” is considered to reduce a whole category of desires and emotions, as well as power and connection, to sex.” An asexual may use this descriptive term because they feel attraction based on mental, emotional, and physical/aesthetic.

I promise it’s not as confusing as it first sounds. Identifiers of this way of life can be: bi-romantic, meaning they are romantically attracted to people or either gender; hetero-romantic, aka romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex, and homo-romantic because they’re romantically attracted to people of the same sex. And lastly they’re the aromantic group; these folks are not interested in romantic relationships. This goes to say if they’re also asexual they’re pretty much not interested in anything in a relational sense.

Quiz time! Maybe yes, maybe no? This person is…

Sadie is not interested in sex what so ever, but she loves dating, hugging and being in love. She not sexually active but she’s done some things with her past love because she cared about him. Even though her past kinda lover, but not really, was a man (and she typically dates men), she likes women too. Scratch that–she loves women, and everything about them… But like with men she doesn’t want to make out or anything more, but she’d be more than sweet on them all the same.

Based on this description what might Sadie’s orientation and preferences be?

Biromantic asexual… (I know it’s a lot to handle!) But here’s a perfect example of someone who’s bisexual (interested in both genders), yet asexual (without a sex drive), and affectional (but does like relationships aspects like cuddling and being in love.). And like the commercial where the talking M and M meets Santa Claus:

“They do exist!”

Hope you took notes this subject will be revisited…

—Posted by Maddie Banks


Filed under: bi-sexual, Maddie Banks

21 Responses

  1. […] The Curious case of the biromantic asexual biFACTOR __________________ I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. […]

  2. At says:

    i am perhaps the most famous biromatic asexual on the web… >.>

  3. Bella says:

    I know i’m biromantic, but i used to identify as heterosexual.. i dont know about that anymore, i think im asexual =/
    b/c i like to think about sex with a few certain guys but if it came down to the crunch and i could actually do it,

  4. Bella says:

    i wouldn’t

  5. la india blanca says:

    hi everyone! good to see I am not the only bi-romantic hetero DEMI sexual in the world. One could say I am a romantic fetishist when it comes to women. I am only romantically attracted to the ones of at least 1/2 Indian descent whereas I am hetero DEMI sexually and roamntically attracted to all different sorts of guys lol. Questions:

    1)Is the neo term romantic fetishist an oxymoron?
    2)Does my orientation have place in the bi community? My bi friends (which is most of my friends) say yes
    3)Does bi-dar exist? Judging by the amount of bi romantics I know I’d say yes even though I don’t have it lol

  6. CalmAngel says:

    I’ve recently identified as a BiRomantic Asexual. It fits me perfect and has made me realise why I’d been so ‘odd’ in my school days. . . And my lack of interest in some of my friends conversations.

  7. Mickey says:

    Wow, so many terms! I try not to over-analyze my orientation, but I do identify as a bi asexual. Sometimes, to avoid having to explain what asexuality is to someone, I say that I’m bi – which is true, but not in the way they think ;D

    I think about having sex, but I consider these thoughts a bit absurd and am certainly not turned on by them. I’ve only liked two people in my life; my first crush was a boy I went to school with and my second and current crush is the ex-girlfriend of my best friend’s cousin whom I met through him. I have never had sexual thoughts or dreams about either of these people. Perhaps I am a “flaming” asexual. If only I had been born a man, I could have developed a comical limp wrist 😦

    It’s funny, my best friend considers her sexual and romantic attraction to be two-in-one, and I find it strange that ANY couple have sex as an expression of their romantic fondness. Ah, variety!

    The hardest thing about being an asexual (in my case, at least) is living with the idea that a person who is romantically interest in you, and you them, will not consider themselves your boy/girlfriend simply because you are not interested in them sexually. There is also a feeling of being “the only one in the world”. This feeling can be lonely, but it can also help you to appreciate the times you DO meet another asexual. I just try to remind myself that I can’t tell the future.

    Now, I don’t mean to turn myself into a charity case by including this in my comment, but advice on a certain matter would be greatly appreciated. The girl I mentioned above whom I have a crush on is a (very) heterosexual person and an aspiring gay rights activist. She knows all the terms – from pansexual to asexual- and accepts them as genuine orientations. She is also a nice person: I probably fell for her because she took the time to encourage me when I was severely depressed. It might have not been “the magic solution”, and it may not work every time, but two days after I had admitted my feelings to the guy I liked, I lost interest in him. If that could work with this situation, boy would I tell her! So, should I or shouldn’t I?

  8. Diamond Shock says:

    This makes me so happy. I’ve been confused for four years about my feelings towards my best friends. Finally tonight i discovered the term Bi-romantic and everything makes sense now! I’m a Bi-romantic Heterosexual. My life feels so much freer.

  9. […] learned about “demisexuality” and I think I may actually find it more interesting than biromantic asexuals. (now that’s one complicated […]

  10. […] I just learned about “demisexuality” and I think I may actually find it more interesting than biromantic asexuals. (now that’s one complicated […]

  11. eib says:

    I am a bi-romantic asexual.
    I have fallen in love with members of both sexes, not casually, but deeply.
    I know how it feels to love someone and feel them respond, what intimacy is like– and all of it was asexual.

  12. […] learned about “demisexuality” and I think I may actually find it more interesting than biromantic asexuals. (now that’s one complicated […]

  13. […] The Curious Case of the Biomantic Asexual […]

  14. Alyssa says:

    Yup they do exist. I’m biromantic ace also 🙂

  15. Abby says:

    I’m going to email this link to my parents to come out as biromantic and asexual. Thank you 🙂

  16. sadie-clone says:

    i love how your Sadie example totally relates to me exactly, it’s like someone summarising my whole love life

  17. confused says:

    hey, im a girl, and i think im grey-asexual. is it possible that im both bisexual and grey-asexual, as the few times that i have experienced some sexual attraction, it was to both males and females, or am i just biromantic asexual?(because i do experience romantic attraction to both males and females) i was just wondering, is this possible? would it just be simpler for me to identify as ‘queer’? thank you

  18. Callie says:

    Hi, thank you for posting this. I have felt confused about things for so long, being attracted to both and having sexual desires for neither. I feel much better now I know it doesn’t make me weird or immature. 😀

  19. Timothy says:

    No wonder homosexuals are confused to their gender. Psychologists just keep adding more confusion to their already confused life styles. They don’t try to change their behavior, but rather make up new terms and diagnoses to make them comfortable in their sin! Psychology is not a true science and is destroying our culture with their insubordinate Lies. God help you so call doctors that corrupt the mind with confusion as opposed to truth!!!

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