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breakdown of the middle ground.

Where’s Oprah’s bi division of the book club??

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Ever since this book came out, I’ve been captivated by the cover. It’s cool, in a-this-is -really-weird-why-are-chairs-hooking-up sort of way. Not so engaging though that it’s actually persuaded me to purchase to the work of fiction, but enough to cause me to continually re-read the jacket cover when I come upon it at various bookstores. In an effort to pursue a more diverse range of literary works I’ve jumped on board to make the effort to examine the page contents past the title. A double bonus is that it will lead the way in exploring plot lines that involve aspects of bisexuality.  Thus begins the dissection of a previously published online (by Jon Baskin) review that will clue you in regarding what I have to look forward to…

The Tourists by Jeff Hobbs

Jeff Hobbs’s The Tourists is a post-college tragedy. [Okay so I like that the characters are clearly going to be relatively young. I have yet to hit 30 myself, so reading about people near my age does give me an instant connection] That is, it’s about the growing population of well-educated young men and women for whom life after graduation is a tragedy, like Hobbs’s 29 year-old narrator, a Yale educated “writer” struggling to pay his rent in New York’s East Village and haunted by an almost pathological nostalgia for his university days. [I’m still with ya, who hasn’t struggled to pay their rent post college in a metropolitan city especially as a writer?!!] Fittingly, the novel begins with an intimate memory from the narrator’s junior year, involving his then-future boyfriend Ethan Hoevel, and a Yale glamour couple, track star David Taylor and his beautiful girlfriend, Samona Ashley. David and Samona-“a new couple still in their beginning”-clasp hands and kiss on the lawn, while the narrator and Ethan (soon to begin a relationship of their own) look on, the narrator thinks, portentously, of how “the dim light from a hundred dorm room windows…can illuminate so clearly their ignorance of all the awful things to come.” [Interesting…at this point of the review, I’ve narrowed my shoulders and gone “hmmm” at this story description. I shall continue…]

The rest of the novel, like the opening, weaves back and forth between shimmering Yale and a jaded present-day Manhattan, where the other principles have arrived at a similar spot, even if they have achieved more external success. [No matter how many times I read that sentence all I get out of it is “present day Manhattan” (yea!) and Yale reference…I have no personal Yale reference so this does nothing for me, and I can safely say it probably won’t at a later day in time either…] Ethan has made a name for himself as a designer, while David has scored a steady gig with an investment bank and wedded Samona, who has begun a clothing company. Yet all three look with trepidation towards the future and seem to lack the maturity to make adult decisions. [ahhaha.] David and Samona’s marriage is depicted as a Revolutionary Road style stalemate, [Wait! Isn’t the Leo and Kate movie-that movie looks great! I wouldn’t say it was stale…at least not judging by the preview. But then again, just like this book I have yet to complete it for myself so my judgment may be clouded.] while Ethan plays childish head games with his love interests and friends. The most destructive of these games turns out to be the lust-triangle he instigates with Samona and David. [Hey there! This is where it’s starting to sound pretty good. I do enjoy a complicated love trio, especially of the bi persuasion.] To the narrator, whose own role in the unfolding drama is uncertain, these developments are both disturbing and evocative. [Yea, even in just this description narrative I’ve wondered the relation this narrator seems to have to the plot line. Its very Rear Window with someone looking in. Except I’m pretty sure no one is going to die in this book, and no one has been across the street watching this couples life unfold via their apartment window. So perhaps Rear Window wasn’t the best comparison exactly. Do you get what I was trying to say though? Moving on…] Ethan’s tryst with Samona especially brings back memories of his own painful crush (he kissed her once, at a party, in college), and triggers a number of nostalgic flashbacks to a time when things were simpler and less sordid.

The Tourist’s narrator, a journalist, straddles a fine line between intriguingly enigmatic and frustratingly vague. Often inarticulate or evasive about his own motivations and desires, some readers will find themselves disinclined to delve into the mystery of why anything that happens matters to him. [Well that’s interesting to know beforehand going in…Based on the above I wouldn’t exactly say I’m sold or anything, but I keep up my end of the bargain and follow though with the read ahead. I can’t help but remain intrigued, and curious to what my final take on this publication will ultimately be. Catch you on the flip side!]

—posted by Maddie Banks

Filed under: bi-sexual, Maddie Banks

Got a case of the love bipolar

On Wednesday in the rants and raves section of craigslist.com I came across someone who had a lot of ranting and raving to get off their chest. It went a bit like this:

“Is it just me or does 3 out of 4 people in Los Angeles bipolar?”

Like what the fuck? Is it the water? Is it the air?

Bipolar disorder doesn’t discriminate. If you met someone who is fucked up, chances are they are bipolar. It seems that bipolar is more common in women than men. It’s almost like a trend. It’s such a turnoff. Finding out someone is bipolar kills it all. You know you are destined for DRAMA in any situation. I have met schizos, pedos, pyschos, etc but bipolar people are the worse. Sometimes I think they should just fucking kill themselves and save people the stress and money of living.

I think bipolar people milk their disease for all it’s worth. I don’t know much about it but I do know that people have a choice to let their disease control them or control their disease. I don’t know how people with bipolar relatives deal with it. If I knew that I was pregnant with a child who was going to be bipolar, I’d get an abortion or throw myself down a flight of stairs.”

Give or take a couple lines…but WOW.  Excuse the vulgar words, they aren’t mine!

Here is someone who has apparently had a dating run in with someone bipolar, and from the tone its happened to them more than once and it has yet to go very well. 3 out of 4 people having bipolar is a bit extreme, but it is a fairly common disorder, the odds are actually (according to webmd.com) that approximately 1 in every 100 adults has the disorder. This disorder definitely puts a huge amount of strain on relationships when it is diagnosed and more so when its not diagnosed and goes untreated.

The craigslist poster brought up two interesting points when they say, finding out someone is bipolar kills it, and when they admitted to not knowing much about a disorder. Something about a bipolar person must be appealing, but like any disorder and disease a certain amount of help from their loved ones is going to be necessary. So when do you explain that you’re going to be one of these needful persons?

Dating someone bipolar can be lots of fun because when their up they’re really fun. And that can last for, days, months, even years, until something triggers it down.

An article found on http://www.dstressdoc.com/Articles/BiPolar.htm, discusses how fun bipolar personalities can be. They’re spontaneous, flirty, can’t get their hands off of you, organized, creative, loyal, thoughtful, treat you like the best person in the world-who wouldn’t be drawn to that? But then they may hurt your feeling too; they may turn to you when you’re in emotional turmoil, they may need medication, and they may get depressed, spend too much money, and cling to you. (www.bipolarcentral.com) You don’t really know if you can handle being with this type of person until you are.

Katy Perry’s song Hot and Cold does an excellent job of illustrating a relationship with a bipolar.

(if you don’t click to hear the song, click to read the lyrics)

Then take a quick browse at the ehealthforum (http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic111535.html) and you’ll really get a better picture of frustrating good and bad times. No relationship is perfect, but this disorder requires knowledge on a partner’s behalf. They need to know, and you need to know what triggers their cycles of hypomania, mania, and depression, so both parties can be aware the best they can of the onset warning signs. Understand though that with all the work in the world both people may put in a situation may not make it bearable or livable for both to keep their commitments to each other. I say again, all relationships involve people coping with the behavior of others. So those with this disorder may be scared to bring it up, they may lose the chance to get to know someone. The ranter person said, “finding out someone is bipolar kills it.” Okay, can we agree that maybe its not the best first date conversation…

—Posted by Eliza Barnett

Filed under: bi-polar, Eliza Barnett

PRESIDENT OBAMA

Today the President Elect offically became the President. What else is there to talk about??! Today this is all my friends 🙂 Let celebration the parties begin…

Filed under: Uncategorized

Perfect Face is a bi-race! (hey that’s what Newsweek said…)

Fresh on the heels of seeing Slumdog Millionaire-which I cannot stop raving about because it’s fantastic! And this was soon after my first experience with Indian food, and on the heels of a Bollywood infused workout. Clearly I have India on the brain! So in the spirit of this blog, I sought out information on the presence of biracial Indian Americans.  And that presence in vast! I had no idea…

Back in 1680, the appearance of a biracial Indian American was not so much though. According to Francis C. Assisi (for more information: http://www.indolink.com/Analysis/a121403-021037.php), he’s researched the earliest Indian American to be Mary Fisher. Born in 1680 in Maryland, she was the daughter of an Irish mother and Indian father.

The times have certainly changed. As of the 2000 national census within the reported 6.8 million multiracial Americans, 12 percent of the 1.9million Indians in America identified themselves as multiracial. That’s 220,000 Indian Americans or one in nine; however you want to count it. On the website Little India they provide a more in depth discussion regarding the current redefinition of the Indian American.

Interracial marriages on are in rise especially within the second generation Indians who while born in India, were raised in America. When migration from India began increasing many Indians were already adults, so more than 90% married other Indians. But among the American born and those who came here in their younger years, 30% of their marriages are biracial. “If current trends hold, a majority of second generation Indian marriages will be biracial by 2020.” (www.littleindia.com)

In 2006, an award winning article on multi-ethnic society (www. newamericamedia.org) the author examines how “Almost 40,000 of the biracial Indians identified themselves with one other Asian category and another 120,000 with Whites. The rest were mostly African American or Hispanic Asian Indian Americans.”

A previous issues of Newsweek featured supermodel Saira Mohan on their cover with the heading “The Perfect Face” Her father is Indian and her mother is French Irish Canadian.

saira-mohan-indian-french-newsweek-perfect-face

Global looks are increasingly the rage in Hollywood, but I’m more fascinated by the cultural impact this continues to bring to bring to the melting pot within America. I’ve always had this thing for learning about other cultures and how they mix it up in western society. Maybe that’s why I like writing about biracialism…maybe…or maybe I just think multiethnic backgrounds are universallyattractive. A little of both I suppose…

—posted by Maggie Barnes

Filed under: bi-racial, Maggie Barnes

The jealous bisexual with the no sex life chronicles

I told you we’d touch base again on the subject of the bi-romantic asexual. And now we are. Last week the question of the week on the  Asexual Visibility and Education Network, was  how are relationships defined exactly between asexuals with other asexuals, or when they pair with sexuals. In typical relationships sexual contact is a part of defining the intimacy aspects between two individuals.

Sex is apart of relationships to some degree, so what about when its not?

On top of that, how is cheating determined? Cheating is usually regarded as engaging in some sort of sexual act with another that is not their partner. So, this seems all sorts of complicated when regarding the bi-romantic asexual. (Refresher course: that means the person desires to have a relationship with either a man or woman, but they have no desire in that relationship to be sexual.)

As discussed in the previous post asexuals can and do have sex for certain personal reasons, the difference between them and a regular sexual person is that they have ZERO sexual attraction-aka they could never have sex in their life and be totally fine with that. Things get a little more interesting regarding the asexual bisexual you see… Geez enough with this breaking it down, I hope we’re all on the same page here.

To shed some light on the situation I actually found such an individual (a female bi-romantic asexual-there are more out there then you’d think) to gauge a viewpoint. I could tell you her name, but you don’t know her anyway, so let’s call her BRA (for bi-romantic asexual. Duh.)

Maddie: How many relationships have you had?

BRA: Well I’m only in my twenties, and I’m old fashioned, so not too many! I had a couple serious ones in college and maybe three or four shorter term ones. To clear things up, they’ve all been with men; I’ve yet to have a girl-girl relationship.

Maddie: Did your past boyfriends know you were bisexual or and asexual?

BRA: No my prior boyfriends didn’t know I was bisexual because when I was with them I was with them, so I didn’t feel the need to explain myself. It didn’t really come up. I’m sure they had to be aware of my more than healthy appreciation of women, but I wasn’t out with them so to speak. Regarding my asexuality, it’s interesting, I’m about the most sexual asexual person out there I think-if that makes sense…

Maddie: You’re a sexual asexual? I’m confused…

BRA: Well I sex.  in a way. I like talking about it,  learning about it, even watching it on TV. I just don’t want to engage in it. Anything outside of the actual deed though is pretty much fair game to explore when I really, really care about the person and want to make them happy.

Maddie: It sounds like you’re pretty willing to get creative. Would that include having an open relationship, so perhaps the needs of your partner could be met if they so desired?

BRA: Actually I’ve thought about it, I don’t know if I could actually do go along with that, but since I hope to get married someday I have to wonder how someone with those desires is going to make do with me in the long span of things. If I did have sex with my partner, I doubt we’ve have an active sex life. This makes me really concerned about how I’d I’d fair in a relationship with a woman, because as much as I’d like to, how I am I suppose to explain that I don’t want to have sex? What kind of bisexual am I??

Maddie: So what would be the rules of cheating between you and your loved one?

BRA: Sleeping with someone behind my back still counts as cheating no matter what! A lot of situations can be sexually charged, so if they’re giving that away to someone else, without my knowledge, I think that it’s a pretty universal no no.  Now in a perfect world I would be with another affectionate asexual. Then our emotional bond would be perfectly what I want. So I guess if they gave that connection away I’d consider that a form of mental cheating as well. Just as painful I’d imagine. For that reason I think a female relationship would be best, but girls have needs too-so what am I suppose to do?? Ha!

Maddie: Do you think you could maintain a relationship with a sexual person, without resorting to having an open relationship?

BRA: Well I certainly hope so, because I get jealous pretty easily…

–posted by Maddie Banks

Filed under: bi-sexual, Maddie Banks

in the past but not forgotten

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