breakdown of the middle ground.

The jealous bisexual with the no sex life chronicles

I told you we’d touch base again on the subject of the bi-romantic asexual. And now we are. Last week the question of the week on the  Asexual Visibility and Education Network, was  how are relationships defined exactly between asexuals with other asexuals, or when they pair with sexuals. In typical relationships sexual contact is a part of defining the intimacy aspects between two individuals.

Sex is apart of relationships to some degree, so what about when its not?

On top of that, how is cheating determined? Cheating is usually regarded as engaging in some sort of sexual act with another that is not their partner. So, this seems all sorts of complicated when regarding the bi-romantic asexual. (Refresher course: that means the person desires to have a relationship with either a man or woman, but they have no desire in that relationship to be sexual.)

As discussed in the previous post asexuals can and do have sex for certain personal reasons, the difference between them and a regular sexual person is that they have ZERO sexual attraction-aka they could never have sex in their life and be totally fine with that. Things get a little more interesting regarding the asexual bisexual you see… Geez enough with this breaking it down, I hope we’re all on the same page here.

To shed some light on the situation I actually found such an individual (a female bi-romantic asexual-there are more out there then you’d think) to gauge a viewpoint. I could tell you her name, but you don’t know her anyway, so let’s call her BRA (for bi-romantic asexual. Duh.)

Maddie: How many relationships have you had?

BRA: Well I’m only in my twenties, and I’m old fashioned, so not too many! I had a couple serious ones in college and maybe three or four shorter term ones. To clear things up, they’ve all been with men; I’ve yet to have a girl-girl relationship.

Maddie: Did your past boyfriends know you were bisexual or and asexual?

BRA: No my prior boyfriends didn’t know I was bisexual because when I was with them I was with them, so I didn’t feel the need to explain myself. It didn’t really come up. I’m sure they had to be aware of my more than healthy appreciation of women, but I wasn’t out with them so to speak. Regarding my asexuality, it’s interesting, I’m about the most sexual asexual person out there I think-if that makes sense…

Maddie: You’re a sexual asexual? I’m confused…

BRA: Well I sex.  in a way. I like talking about it,  learning about it, even watching it on TV. I just don’t want to engage in it. Anything outside of the actual deed though is pretty much fair game to explore when I really, really care about the person and want to make them happy.

Maddie: It sounds like you’re pretty willing to get creative. Would that include having an open relationship, so perhaps the needs of your partner could be met if they so desired?

BRA: Actually I’ve thought about it, I don’t know if I could actually do go along with that, but since I hope to get married someday I have to wonder how someone with those desires is going to make do with me in the long span of things. If I did have sex with my partner, I doubt we’ve have an active sex life. This makes me really concerned about how I’d I’d fair in a relationship with a woman, because as much as I’d like to, how I am I suppose to explain that I don’t want to have sex? What kind of bisexual am I??

Maddie: So what would be the rules of cheating between you and your loved one?

BRA: Sleeping with someone behind my back still counts as cheating no matter what! A lot of situations can be sexually charged, so if they’re giving that away to someone else, without my knowledge, I think that it’s a pretty universal no no.  Now in a perfect world I would be with another affectionate asexual. Then our emotional bond would be perfectly what I want. So I guess if they gave that connection away I’d consider that a form of mental cheating as well. Just as painful I’d imagine. For that reason I think a female relationship would be best, but girls have needs too-so what am I suppose to do?? Ha!

Maddie: Do you think you could maintain a relationship with a sexual person, without resorting to having an open relationship?

BRA: Well I certainly hope so, because I get jealous pretty easily…

–posted by Maddie Banks


Filed under: bi-sexual, Maddie Banks

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