breakdown of the middle ground.

Why should I keep trying to fix something that just stays broken?

This is how I feel.

It’s like I’ve dropped a priceless vase and every piece that I attempt to glue back together  falls again into another dozen pieces and I’m back right where I started, only it’s gotten worse.

I wish I were talking about a vase though, but I’m not. I’m talking about my mother. I called her today to just talk. We aren’t close. She doesn’t live nearby. She’s manic depressive bipolar. For every six months of downer moods, there are maybe 8 days collective of upper ones.

I don’t call, she’s sad.

I call she’s sad and mad.

So I don’t call.

Time, time, time goes by. I want to call. I don’t. More time, time, time goes by. I call. I cross my fingers; I take a deep breath, hello?

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Filed under: bi-polar, Eliza Barnett, , ,

Frustrated, Intrigued, and Questionable

I’m sitting here feeling three things: frustrated, intrigued, and questionable.

I’m frustrated became the guy I’m currently dating is an urber guy’s guy. We’re talking alpha male all the way. This is good in some ways because I have s short attention span, and beta males’ just plan do too much. He’s kind of like a mojito. He is sweet—not a bad boy or anything, but he’s manly enough that no bad boy guy is gonna call him whipped.

It’s just frustrating because he’s also a workaholic. But I dig that because I’m a perfectionist in the workplace myself. It’s these damn sport seasons that are killing me! I swear there is some game going on everything night…hahaha

On to the next topic…I’m intrigued because …

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Filed under: bi-sexual, Maddie Banks, , ,